The Dr Phyllis Show Episode 1
by I the Dreamer
Summary: What if we took Harry Potter and Lord Voldemort and asked them to talk about their problems? Interested yet? Check it out. This is my first FF, so plz R&R!
1. Episode 1

Dr. Feel Good show  Special Guest/s: Voldemort and Harry Potter

Dr. FG: Hello and welcome back to the Dr. Feel Good Show, where your favorite story characters are sat down and talk about their problems. Our special guest today is Tom Riddle, known to the Wizarding world as 'Lord Voldemort'. Let's Give him a hand, folks.

(various applause from audience)

V: ...

Dr. FG: So, let's start with our first question. When did you really become evil?

V: Well, actually, it was more of a gradual progression throughout my life, starting during my years at Hogwarts and it grew into a sort of obsession, I suppose, by the time I had graduated.

Dr. FG: Interesting and tragic. Let's bring in our next guest. Folks, let's give a hand for the infamous Harry Potter!

(HP enters the room waving, and sits down the in chair opposite V)

Dr. FG: Mr. Riddle, are you acquainted with Mr. Potter here?

V: Voldemort, please. And yes, we go way back.

(HP sits stiffly in chair while V is relaxed)

Dr. FG: I can sense some serious tension between you two. Harry, do you want to share with everyone what you have against Mr. Riddle, here?

V: Voldemort.

HP: He killed my parents and my friends!

(audience gasps)

Dr. FG: I can see how that would build walls between you two. Mr. Riddle, do you have anything to say against these serious accusations?

V: It's my job. I want to rule the world and they were standing in my way.

Dr. FG: Talk to us about this 'wanting' to rule the world.

V: Well, it's like a hobby to me. I've always wanted to be the most powerful wizard, and I just decided to pursue my dream.

Dr. FG: Harry?

HP: He's EVIL! Can't you see that? He admitted he killed them!

V: Hey, it pays the bills. Being evil is expensive.

HP: You KILL innocent people! You almost KILLED me!

Dr. FG: Harry, Tom has bills to pay. You have to learn to let go. His job is dangerous, you need to learn to respect it.

V: Voldemort. Lord Voldemort LADY, GET IT RIGHT!

HP: let go?! LET GO?! How am I supposed to 'LET IT GO'? He's KILLED my ONLY family!

Dr. FG: But you live with your aunt and uncle and cousin. You aren't alone, Harry.

HP: Yeah? I live in a CUPBOARD UNDER THE STAIRS! That's not how you treat relatives, Doc.

Dr. FG: Maybe they had a reason.

HP: Other than they HATE me?

V: They're your family, Harry.

HP: Says you. You murdered YOUR family.

V: .... I regret some things.

HP: I DOUBT THAT!

Dr. FG: Harry, would you feel better if you yelled into this pillow?

(DFG hands HP pillow. HP takes it.)

HP: (muffled scream)

(HP hands pillow back)

HP: That helped.

Dr. FG: Good. Do you feel better?

HP: No.

Dr. FG: Mr. Riddle, I think you owe Harry an apology.

V: VOLDEMORT, LADY! (pulls out wand) AVADA KADABRA! (green light flashes out and hits lighting. Sparks fly)

Dr. FG: Maybe you should take out your anger on this pillow.

(DFG hands V pillow)

V: AVADA KADABRA! (zaps pillow)

Dr. FG: Well?

V: It just doesn't have the same effect. No partial scream, nothing.

Dr. FG: You owe Harry an appolgy.

HP: What good would that do?

Dr. FG: Shh, Harry. Tom?

V: VOLDEMORT!

Dr. FG: Fine, Mr. Voldemort?

V: I'm sorry, Harry.

HP: For what?! You kill my parents and friends and all you can say is 'Sorry'?

V: Well, what else can I do?

HP: BRING THEM BACK!

V: I can't do that!

(HP pulls out wand. V pulls out wand)

V: To the death.

HP: Yes.

Dr. FG: Boys! We don't fight!

HP: EXPELLIARMUS!

V: AVADA KADABRA!

(duel commences)

Dr. FG: Thank you for watching the Dr. Feel Good Show, where your favorite story characters talk about their problems. Tune in next week when we bring another special guest to talk. See you then!

(DFG ducks behind chair. Audience flees the scene. Duel continues, spells flinging wildly everywhere)

_TUNE IN FOR FURTHER EPISODES.... R&R PLZ!_


	2. Episode 1 redux

Dr. Phyllis Show Episode 5Special Guests: Voldemort/ Harry Potter

(In case anyone is interested, I've been given a suggestion to write another with Harry Potter characters. What if I just run a different scenario?? Picture this, Harry's and Voldy's wands DON'T work. A duel this time? More of a funnier way episode one could've gone. Plz review if you like it. An update, of sorts. =D)

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(round of applause from audience. Scene zooms in on our own Dr. Phyllis, who is sitting in a stiff chair, wearing the ugly suit of hers. A slight grin on her face as the director cues that it's live)

Dr. P: Hello and welcome back to the Dr. Phyllis Show, where your favorite heroes and villains come and talk about their problems. One month ago, we visited the wizarding world.. Since last time it didn't go too well, please welcome back Mr. Tom Riddle and Mr. Harry Potter.

(V and HP enter stage.. again)

Dr. P: Welcome back to both of you. Now, I understand that one of you has been to counseling. Mr. Riddle?

V: Anger Management, actually. It's surprising that in just a few weeks, I've overcome almost all of my desires to kill you.

Dr. P: Um.... ok. And Harry? I've heard that you aren't fainting nearly as much as before.

HP: Uh, no.

Dr. P: Wonderful! A happy ending at last! Now tell me, Mr. Riddle. Last time you were on, you yelled, 'Avada Kedavra' (what now? I fixed da spelling!) What exactly does that mean?

V: Um... I'm not quite sure.

Dr. P: Latin, perhaps? You know, there's a reason it's called one of the 'dead' languages. Can I see the twig you were waving around?

V: Wand.

Dr. P: Of course, of course. (she thinks V is crazy.)

V: (pulls out wand) See?

Dr. P: Could you demonstrate for us, please?

V: Mr. Potter, if you will?

(HP shakes his head.)

Dr. P: Oh, come on, Harry. He's going to demonstrate this 'Avada Kedavra'.

V: Perhaps you, Miss?

Dr. P: Why, I'd be honored. What exactly does it do.

V: Soothing, I believe. But don't worry, you won't feel a thing.

HP: Don't do it! He'll kill you!

V: Oh hush, Harry. I mean no harm.

HP: DON'T DO IT! STAY THERE!

V: Avada Kedavra!

HP: Expelliarmus!

(nothing happens)

V: (shakes wand) AVADA KEDAVRA!

(still nothing happens)

Dr. P: That was.. interesting.

V: AVADA KEdavra?

HP: (laughs)

V: What is wrong with my wand?

HP: Expelliarmus!

(nothing happens)

HP: Ridikulus!

(nothing happens)

HP: (shakes wand) What's going on?

Dr. P: Your twigs don't do anything, they're twigs.

V: Crucio!

HP: I don't get it.

Dr. P: Now, are these ' spells ' Latin or Greek?

HP: (flicks wand) I don't know. Ridkulus!

(a small spark flies from wand)

HP: What is wrong with my wand?

V: Maybe it's out of juice... AVADA KEDAVRA! (green spark flies and hits ground two feet away)

Dr. P: Now, if it's a magic trick, Mr. Riddle, the correct word is 'Abracadabra' not 'Avada Kedavra'.

(V slumps into chair)

Dr. P: Or, if you're trying to open a door, the magic word would be 'Open Sesame'.

(HP slumps into chair, still fiddling with wand)

Dr. P: And our little children can never forget the magic words 'Please' and 'Thank You'.

(V drops wand, a bored expression on his face)

(HP reaches for V wand)

V: Don't even think about it.

(HP sits back in chair)

Dr. P: Now, let's talk about the English game of Quidditch (how do u spell it?) Harry?

Dr. P: I believe it's very much like hockey or curling, because you use brooms.

HP: Not at all, really.

Dr. P: Do you sweep?

HP: Um, no. You sit and fly on it.

Dr. P: I thought only witches do that on Halloween.

HP: Not exactly. Wizards ride brooms too. It's not a very effective way to travel, though.

V: I remember _my_ first broom. Of course, I tired of it after a week or so and broke it.

(HP looks as V strangely)

HP: Um.. ok.

Dr. P: Well... (looks at watch) That's all the time we have for today. Tune in next time for our discussion on school. This is the Dr. Phyllis show, where your favorite heroes and occasionally villains talk about their lives. Goodbye!

HP: I hate you.

V: I hate you too.

Dr. P: Nice to see that we all get along... Goodbye!

(screen blacks out)

(rumbled applause)


End file.
